There is nothing that bothers me more in life then having a conflict with someone ( I’m talking a MAJOR problem. A problem that hurt. Might have even made you cry.) and having someone who is extremely close to you say, ” Well they didn’t do anything to me, so I can’t really be mad at them.”______________!!!( Insert explicit language here.)

Maybe it’s me. Perhaps I expect too much out of people. But is expecting to be treated how you treat others ever too much to ask for?

Case in point: A ‘friend of mine” recently found out someone in our immediate circle of close girlfriends was hanging out with her ex. Her excuse- “It was so long ago and he never hurt me, so why is it a big deal?”

WHY? It just is. It’s a big deal, and for those that don’t believe it’s a big deal…well…I seriously question you as a human.

Coming from a person who hates all forms of confrontation, when it comes to standing up for a friend and being an all around loyal person, sometimes awkward confrontations are just worth it.

Whether it be standing up for a close friend when someone does him/her wrong, not talking to a certain person for hurting your Mom, or ignoring that guy in the drugstore, the one who cheated on your friend, no matter how much fun you all had together. Loyalty.. it’s all about loyalty.

I never understood why a person would want to continue being friends with another person, fully knowing the hurt and pain they caused someone they care about. I am actually starting to think it might be a good thing that I can not, no matter how I try to understand, fathom the thought of befriending or continuing a relationship with someone who hurt someone I love.

I know everyone is different. Of course, there are exceptions to the rules. I just wish that at this time in our country, when everyone has much bigger fish to fry, that we as human beings could jump back to the basics of humanity. Being loyal, doing unto others as you would have done to you, and standing up for what is right. Perhaps when we break it down and get back on track, everything else will follow.

Just a little something that’s been on my mind…

 For the last 3 years of college I have lived with my roommates Eleonay, Nichole and Sara. We formed a sort of family living on our own. Knew things about each other that we probably did not want to know, but no matter what it came down to, we knew, our friendships, were for life.

On October 9, 2008 (my birthday of course) I was woken up by a text message that confirmed my worst nightmare. A message that I had to read 5 times to understand. A message that has changed my life as I had known it.

One of my best friends, and roommate of 3 years, Sara Weakly, was killed in a car accident. What? This isn’t happening. Not to me, not to us, couldn’t be real. But it was, it was painfully real. I was told ( I don’t remember that morning at all) that I just sat there and screamed that I had to bring her back. She wasn’t coming back, and my world was never going to be the same.

I want the world to know who she was. I want the world to know one of the best people who I have ever met. I have never in my life felt this feeling, this empty, this numb. However in the midst of trying to figure out the whys and the hows of this unbearable situation, I am more determined than ever to have her memory live on.

Sara was a life force. She radiated beauty and confidence. She has inspired me in the wake of her death to live my life the way she lived hers. See, Sara just lived. It is as simple as that. She walked around in life like she was walking on air.

I can remember meeting her for the first time. We were both high school Seniors visiting our college for a program we had joined. It was like I was drawn to her presence. She pulled you in, and it was in an instant that you were her friend. At least it was for me. Being her friend, was the greatest gift I have ever been given. She chose me. How lucky am I?

Sara had this I’m-going-to-do-what-I want-when-I-want attitude, and that she did. She didn’t care about petty bullshit or what people thought of her.

All my life I have hated confrontation, hated telling people what I think, or what I would prefer, not anymore. I’m done letting the world walk over me, and it is because of Sara. I am going to let her memory live on in me and I hope that whoever reads this, if anyone reads this, that you too, will live like you have nothing to lose. And as cliche as it might sound, live everyday like it is your last. Sara had no clue that night she got into her car, that it would be her last.

On October 9, 2008 the world lost someone so special,so rare,someone I am forever better for. Here’s to you Sara, thanks for choosing me to love you. I will do it forever.

After a couple months and a hectic schedule… I am back. I had been contemplating whether or not I would continue this blog after I was done with the assignment, which for those that do not know, I had to write this blog for a class. I actually missed it and had people emailing me about writing some more. So why not, I love it. I think instead of writing about just relationships though, I will switch it up, and write about whatever is striking my imagination at the moment, so beware, my mind can wander into odd places:)

Throughout my writing process for this blog I have talked to a plethora of people. Those in relationships, those not. Those looking for love, those not. Those wondering how they can better themselves, and those that are just sitting back on this ride we call life, waiting to see what happens. While on this never ending journey I found myself relating back to one common thread.

The leap of faith.

To enter a relationship, whether that be with intentions to love, befriend, or educate yourself or someone else, you take a leap of faith with a person. You hope that they have your best intentions at heart, and you hope that you both are in “it” for the same reasons.

If our world was this perfect utopia, where everyone loved each other, then maybe this area wouldn’t be so unclear. This “leap of faith,” wouldn’t be so hard to make. But it is. It’s hard. Which is why when we jump into something with all we have, and make it, it’s something to talk about.

I have had some feed back on the blog topics that I have so chosen to write about. Some claiming that they were too cheesy or not “hard” enough, even pointless. Maybe it is just me and perhaps this is a bold statement, but, who could go an entire lifetime without love, at least some form of it? I would like to meet you.

Love is a powerful force. Cliché? Sure, but true. Few ever get to experience the “real” thing, and the lucky few who know it, fight for it.

“To A Lovely Blind Date, October 1, 1945,” isn’t just some catchy title. I noticed a small pendant hanging from my grandmother’s neck about two years ago. She had always worn it, so I never questioned it. A staple of sorts if one will.

It wasn’t until I took a closer look, and into her past I went. Engraved on the back of this gold rounded pendant read, ” To A Lovely Blind Date, October 1,1945.” In an instant the wheels in my mind starting turning.

I always thought of my “Grandma” and “Grandpa,” as just that. They were my mother’s parents. They came and visited on holidays, always had the best food, and smelled so good. Never had it crossed my mind, that they too, had been like me once upon a time. They too, had been young and in love. Who knew?

Even after my grandfather passed away I envied the devotion that my grandparents had shown for one another. How was it that I never knew how they met? When I went to visit recently I looked around at the pictures and the life that these two had created. Their children, their grandchildren, everything. It all stemmed from one blind date. It all stemmed from two people’s leap of faith.

“On September 4, 1994, I lost Bob, my best-friend,” said my grandmother Rita Lawner. ” But those 48 years I had with him, I keep in my mind everyday. I had the best guy in the whole world love me.”

Here in a personal interview, Rita Lawner tells us of her experience with love, life, and a blind date that made her take that leap of faith. Through pictures and words, she took me on a journey through her past, and let me share this honest story with you. I hope while reading through this interview, you will notice, like I , that the one constant that has remained true through everything this world has encountered, is love.

Q.) How did you first meet Bob, Rita? ( I was calling her Grandma, but I will keep it simple.)

A.) It’s all hard to remember now. I lived in the same apartment building in the Bronx, that his aunt lived in. He had just come home from war, and I can still remember what he looked like in his uniform from looking out my window. His aunt set us up on a date, and the rest is history.

Q.) Do you remember what you did on that date?

A.) We just went to dinner, but I don’t remember where anymore. I am sure he was a gentlemen though, that was my “Bobby.”

Q.) How did you know he was the one for you?

A.) I just knew. He was polite, and had nice hands. You just know when it’s right.

Q.) Nice hands?

A.) Yes, nice hands.

Q.) OK. What about the necklace, did Bob give that to you on your first date?

A.) Yes, he brought it with him. I have never taken it off since.

Q.) I always here you call him your,” b’sheirt.” What does that mean?

A.) It means “my soul mate,” in Hebrew, and he was.

Q.) I write a lot about problems that a couple can face. Do you remember anything that ever caused problems in your relationship?

A.) I am sure we had our fair share of problems, but we never went to bed angry. More than anything else, we respected each other. That is something that I don’t believe many couples do today.

Q.) What about marrying into eachother’s families? How was that?

A.) That was hard. I was raised by a single parent, my father took care of me. When I met Bob’s family, I don’t think they thought much of me for that reason. It took a couple of years for them to warm up to me. Also back then the country that your family was from was very important. I was from Poland and Bob was from Hungry and Austria. His family had more money than mine, and honestly looking back, I don’t think they thought I would be good enough for their son. Eventually everyone grew to love each other. I think I proved myself.

Q.) Did that have an effect on your relationship though? It had to be awkward for Bob, for his family not to welcome you, right?

A.) I am sure it was. He loved me though, and I never knew much about it. We never talked about it between us. He took care of everything.

Q.) Where was your first home together?

A.) We lived in an apartment in the Bronx. That’s where we had Ron,( 1st son) and Evan (2nd Son). We lived there for about six years, then we moved to New Rochelle, New York. We lived in New Rochelle for about thirty years. Had our daughter there, and lived there till we finally moved to New Jersey to be closer to our grandchildren. Bob bought a t-shirt before we moved that said, “Help, I’m in New Jersey and I can’t get out.” He was always making everyone laugh. Now I am still in New Jersey in the house that we were both in last.

Q.) Going back to your children, how did having children effect your relationship?

A.) Oh, having children is the best thing two people who love eachothercan do. We have three great kids. I don’t remember the basics of our day to day life back then, but I do know that our relationship only got stronger as time went on. When you marry your best friend, that’s what happens.

Q.) While raising children, did Bob work?

A.) Of course. He had a dry cleaning store, and we all worked there. I have great memories in that shop. When he retired, he went into the car selling business and I worked at New Rochelle Hospital. He was a great husband, and he supported his family. That is the way it was then.

Q.) Yes, it was. Time has changed a lot since then. How do you feel about women working just as much as the men? Do you think it is positive or negative?

A.) I can’t say, I don’t know. I would imagine it would be harder on the family and on a husband and wife’s relationship. I loved going back to work though, it made be feel great about myself.

Q.) Looking back on how things were between you and your husband, Bob, what is the biggest change you have seen in society today as far as relationships go?

A.) I don’t think, and this is just my opinion, that people really value what marriage is anymore. You hear about a lot of divorce, and a lot of people not staying together. When we were married, it was forever. You knew better than to rush into something, and you married based on love and friendship, at least I did. My daughter was divorced a couple of years ago. It was a change for the better in her case. I wish she had met her soul mate like me, but I think that is the difference I see.

Q.) So you and Bob never got mad at each other to the point that you questioned your relationship?

A.) Nope. Never.

Q.) Never?

A.) Like I said, you have to respect the person you love. Sure we fought, but we fought with respect.

Q.) Do you think that being repsectful of one another, and caring for each other in the way you did, was a good thing for your children to see while you were raising them?

A.) (laughs) You tell me? I have two boys who were never married and a daughter who just got divorced, but, yes.We did the best we could with what we knew. We loved each other and loved our children. They were raised in a happy home, and they knew that. When you raise children, and send them off into the world, you hope for the best, and hope that you did a good job. I don’t think I would change anything.

Q.) Have you ever thought about what your life would have been like if you didn’t go on that blind date?

A.) Never. What is meant to be will always be. It was in our cards to be with each other. I hope everyone can find their “Bob’s.”

Q.) Favorite memory together as a couple?

A.) We went all over the world after our children were done with schooling. We went to Mexico, and South America, St. John, California. Bob and I had a love for Chinese art, we never got to go there, but, if I could go back, we’d go there together.

Q.) Bob has been gone for almost 15 years now, how has your life changed?

A.) (sighs) My life has never been the same. I lost by best friend, and my husband. I get so mad at him for not taking care of his health the way he took care of me and our family. I get so mad at him that he is not here. At my age, I get very lonely now, and think of him everyday. I can’t wait to see him again.

Q.) In my article I plan on talking about taking a leap of faith with people. Would you say you took a leap of faith with Bob?

A.) Sure, best leap I ever took.

Yes, Rita Lawner is my grandmother, but she is also this women I never knew existed. We tend to think of our grandparents as just that…our grandparents. I could not have been more blind.

When I set out to write this feature my goal was to pay tribute to my grandparents by commemorating their relationship and taking myself and all of you down their personal path.

What I discovered was all that and more. I discovered that my grandmother was this young women, who was my age now, when she met my grandfather, who fell in love on a random blind date. She was spontaneous and trusting, and she took a leap of faith with my grandfather, and never looked back.

I read books and went to movies for story lines like theirs, never knowing, it was right in front of me, with my grandparents. Without their love story, I wouldn’t have mine.

So here’s to jumping head first into the unknown. Who knew?

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*Note: Rita Lawner (my grandmother) is now in the middle stages of Alzheimer’s Disease. To watch her go through this battle, without my grandfather has been heartbreaking. However, her long term memory is still as sharp as ever, as it was apparent, the more she answered questions about her life with my grandfather. It seems as though even though her memory is fading, her love for my grandfather is one thing she will never be able to forget. The reason I mention this in a note, is that some of her answers might seem short or out of the ordinary, but, that’s her.

-Jess

Hey everyone,

The semester, as all college kids are aware, is coming to a close. For me, and this blog of mine, I am not quite sure what it means. One thing that is for certain, is that I have started the process of writing my last feature. It is one that I hold very close to my heart, because it is based on a relationship that, in many ways, I have tried to copy. My grandparents. Stay tuned. I hope you will read and enjoy it as much as I have loved researching and discovering for it.

-Jess