Throughout my writing process for this blog I have talked to a plethora of people. Those in relationships, those not. Those looking for love, those not. Those wondering how they can better themselves, and those that are just sitting back on this ride we call life, waiting to see what happens. While on this never ending journey I found myself relating back to one common thread.

The leap of faith.

To enter a relationship, whether that be with intentions to love, befriend, or educate yourself or someone else, you take a leap of faith with a person. You hope that they have your best intentions at heart, and you hope that you both are in “it” for the same reasons.

If our world was this perfect utopia, where everyone loved each other, then maybe this area wouldn’t be so unclear. This “leap of faith,” wouldn’t be so hard to make. But it is. It’s hard. Which is why when we jump into something with all we have, and it make it, it’s something to talk about.

I have had some feed back on the blog topics that I have so chosen to write about. Some claiming that they were too cheesy or not “hard” enough, even pointless. Maybe it is just me and perhaps this is a bold statement, but, who could go an entire lifetime without love, at least some form of it? I would like to meet you.

Love is a powerful force. Cliché? Sure, but true. Few ever get to experience the “real” thing, and the lucky few who know it, fight for it.

“To A Lovely Blind Date, October 1, 1945,” isn’t just some catchy title. I noticed a small pendant hanging from my grandmother’s neck about two years ago. She had always worn it, so I never questioned it. A staple of sorts if one will.

It wasn’t until I took a closer look, and into her past I went. Engraved on the back of this gold rounded pendant read, ” To A Lovely Blind Date, October 1,1945.” In an instant the wheels in my mind starting turning.

I always thought of my “Grandma” and “Grandpa,” as just that. They were my mother’s parents. They came and visited on holidays, always had the best food, and smelled so good. Never had it crossed my mind, that they too, had been like me once upon a time. They too, had been young and in love. Who knew?

Even after my grandfather passed away I envied the devotion that my grandparents had shown for one another. How was it that I never knew how they met? When I went to visit recently I looked around at the pictures and the life that these two had created. Their children, their grandchildren, everything. It all stemmed from one blind date. It all stemmed from two people’s leap of faith.

“On September 4, 1994, I lost Bob, my best-friend,” said my grandmother Rita Lawner. ” But those 48 years I had with him, I keep in my mind everyday. I had the best guy in the whole world love me.”

Here in a personal interview, Rita Lawner tells us of her experience with love, life, and a blind date that made her take that leap of faith. Through pictures and words, she took me on a journey through her past, and let me share this honest story with you. I hope while reading through this interview, you will notice, like I , that the one constant that has remained true through everything this world has encountered, is love.

Q.) How did you first meet Bob, Rita? ( I was calling her Grandma, but I will keep it simple.)

A.) It’s all hard to remember now. I lived in the same apartment building in the Bronx, that his aunt lived in. He had just come home from war, and I can still remember what he looked like in his uniform from looking out my window. His aunt set us up on a date, and the rest is history.

Q.) Do you remember what you did on that date?

A.) We just went to dinner, but I don’t remember where anymore. I am sure he was a gentlemen though, that was my “Bobby.”

Q.) How did you know he was the one for you?

A.) I just knew. He was polite, and had nice hands. You just know when it’s right.

Q.) Nice hands?

A.) Yes, nice hands.

Q.) OK. What about the necklace, did Bob give that to you on your first date?

A.) Yes, he brought it with him. I have never taken it off since.

Q.) I always here you call him your,” b’sheirt.” What does that mean?

A.) It means “my soul mate,” in Hebrew, and he was. 

Q.) I write a lot about problems that a couple can face. Do you remember anything that ever caused problems in your relationship?

A.) I am sure we had our fair share of problems, but we never went to bed angry. More than anything else, we respected each other. That is something that I don’t believe many couples do today.

Q.) What about marrying into eachother’s families? How was that?

A.) That was hard. I was raised by a single parent, my father took care of me. When I met Bob’s family, I don’t think they thought much of me for that reason. It took a couple of years for them to warm up to me. Also back then the country that your family was from was very important. I was from Poland and Bob was from Hungry and Austria. His family had more money than mine, and honestly looking back, I don’t think they thought I would be good enough for their son. Eventually everyone grew to love each other. I think I proved myself.

Q.) Did that have an effect on your relationship though? It had to be awkward for Bob, for his family not to welcome you, right?

A.) I am sure it was. He loved me though, and I never knew much about it. We never talked about it between us. He took care of everything.

Q.) Where was your first home together?

A.) We lived in an apartment in the Bronx. That’s where we had Ron,( 1st son) and Evan (2nd Son). We lived there for about six years, then we moved to New Rochelle, New York. We lived in New Rochelle for about thirty years. Had our daughter there, and lived there till we finally moved to New Jersey to be closer to our grandchildren. Bob bought a t-shirt before we moved that said, “Help, I’m in New Jersey and I can’t get out.” He was always making everyone laugh. Now I am still in New Jersey in the house that we were both in last.

Q.) Going back to your children, how did having children effect your relationship?

A.) Oh, having children is the best thing two people who love eachothercan do. We have three great kids. I don’t remember the basics of our day to day life back then, but I do know that our relationship only got stronger as time went on. When you marry your best friend, that’s what happens.

Q.) While raising children, did Bob work?

A.) Of course. He had a dry cleaning store, and we all worked there. I have great memories in that shop. When he retired, he went into the car selling business and I worked at New Rochelle Hospital. He was a great husband, and he supported his family. That is the way it was then.

Q.) Yes, it was. Time has changed a lot since then. How do you feel about women working just as much as the men? Do you think it is positive or negative?

A.) I can’t say, I don’t know. I would imagine it would be harder on the family and on a husband and wife’s relationship. I loved going back to work though, it made be feel great about myself.

Q.) Looking back on how things were between you and your husband, Bob, what is the biggest change you have seen in society today as far as relationships go?

A.) I don’t think, and this is just my opinion, that people really value what marriage is anymore. You hear about a lot of divorce, and a lot of people not staying together. When we were married, it was forever. You knew better than to rush into something, and you married based on love and friendship, at least I did. My daughter was divorced a couple of years ago. It was a change for the better in her case. I wish she had met her soul mate like me, but I think that is the difference I see.

Q.) So you and Bob never got mad at each other to the point that you questioned your relationship?

A.) Nope. Never.

Q.) Never?

A.) Like I said, you have to respect the person you love.  Sure we fought, but we fought with respect.

Q.) Do you think that being repsectful of one another, and caring for each other in the way you did, was a good thing for your children to see while you were raising them?

A.) (laughs) You tell me? I have two boys who were never married and a daughter who just got divorced, but, yes.We did the best we could with what we knew. We loved each other and loved our children. They were raised in a happy home, and they knew that. When you raise children, and send them off into the world, you hope for the best, and hope that you did a good job.  I don’t think I would change anything.

Q.) Have you ever thought about what your life would have been like if you didn’t go on that blind date?

A.) Never. What is meant to be will always be. It was in our cards to be with each other. I hope everyone can find their “Bob’s.”

Q.) Favorite memory together as a couple?

A.) We went all over the world after our children were done with schooling. We went to Mexico, and South America, St. John, California. Bob and I had a love for Chinese art, we never got to go there, but, if I could go back, we’d go there together.

Q.) Bob has been gone for almost 15 years now, how has your life changed?

A.) (sighs) My life has never been the same. I lost by best friend, and my husband. I get so mad at him for not taking care of his health the way he took care of me and our family. I get so mad at him that he is not here. At my age, I get very lonely now, and think of him everyday.  I can’t wait to see him again.

Q.) In my article I plan on talking about taking a leap of faith with people. Would you say you took a leap of faith with Bob?

A.) Sure, best leap I ever took.

Yes, Rita Lawner is my grandmother, but she is also this women I never knew existed. We tend to think of our grandparents as just that…our grandparents. I could not have been more blind.

When I set out to write this feature my goal was to pay tribute to my grandparents by commemorating their relationship and taking myself and all of you down their personal path.

What I discovered was all that and more. I discovered that my grandmother was this young women, who was my age now, when she met my grandfather, who fell in love on a random blind date. She was spontaneous and trusting, and she took a leap of faith with my grandfather, and never looked back.

I read books and went to movies for story lines like theirs, never knowing, it was right in front of me, with my grandparents. Without their love story, I wouldn’t have mine.

So here’s to jumping head first into the unknown. Who knew?

| View Show | Create Your Own

*Note: Rita Lawner (my grandmother) is now in the middle stages of Alzheimer’s Disease. To watch her go through this battle, without my grandfather has been heartbreaking. However, her long term memory is still as sharp as ever, as it was apparent, the more she answered questions about her life with my grandfather. It seems as though even though her memory is fading, her love for my grandfather is one thing she will never be able to forget. The reason I mention this in a note, is that some of her answers might seem short or out of the ordinary, but, that’s her.

-Jess

Hey everyone,

The semester, as all college kids are aware, is coming to a close. For me, and this blog of mine, I am not quite sure what it means. One thing that is for certain, is that I have started the process of writing my last feature. It is one that I hold very close to my heart, because it is based on a relationship that, in many ways, I have tried to copy. My grandparents. Stay tuned. I hope you will read and enjoy it as much as I have loved researching and discovering for it.

-Jess

I was watching, “True Life: I’m in A Long Distance Relationship,” on MTV yesterday, and it got me thinking. At what point does distance stop making the heart grow fonder? When does being apart start to take a toll on two people?

It is 2008. We are all so independent. We work, we go to school, we have to socialize to define ourselves, and often it takes away from the one thing we really need at the end of the day. Our relationships.

Can long distance relationships work? I don’t have the answer to that. The longest I go without seeing my other half is Mon-Wed, and let me tell you, it’s horrible. How do people who live months without seeing each other make it work?

I am a college student, like so many of us out there. It has been the best and the hardest time of my life. When I was single, I did what I wanted when I wanted. Now, I still do what I want, but there is always someone else in my head. His feelings and how he would like to be treated. So many of us are away from our relationship while at school. Some much worse than I, and I feel silly complaining about 3 days. However if I feel the separation, how are those who separate for weeks or months dealing with the strain?

According to Simona Kogan, who is the Features Editor for The Daily Targum, which serves the Rutgers community, “Author Thomas Haynes Bayley once said, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Did Bayley know what it meant to be in a long-distance relationship during college? Probably not. However, even if he had, the trials and tribulations of having a relationship when you are not located near the one you love never gets easier. Whether or not absence makes the heart grow fonder, many university students are dealing with the issue. According to The Journal of College Student Development, more than one-in-four of the 9 million college students in the United States are in long-distance relationships during their four years of college - that is, one partner does not go to the same college or live in the same town as their significant other.”

More than one-in-four! It makes me wonder. How many students let their grades suffer, or lose sleep while their paying their way through school, because they are apart from their loved one? How many relationships survive college? How can a relationship last when two people can not see each other?

“Distance can make the heart grow fonder”, but maybe, for those of you out there dealing with extreme distance, “Too much distance can make the heart…wander.” Sorry for the cliche, but is it true?

I hope that those out there in a long distance relationship do what they feel is right for them. Love is a great and powerful thing. If you find it, try your hardest to make it work, because there are some that are never lucky enough to stumble across the real thing.

I believe, even though I have only experienced a tiny degree of separation, that perhaps, it is worth it.  Maybe being with someone is the one thing we all hold on to that keeps us going. Long distance relationships, they’re not for the weak. Only the strong survive.
Good Luck!

Being in a relationship with someone else can be great. Relationships, like the ones I have blogged about, can be filled with roller coasters of emotions, ups, downs and adventures. Relationships. The ones that survive have to contain two people who know themselves and know what they want out of life. What am I getting at? I believe that in order to make your relationship work with that certain someone, that there is one other relationship that has to be in sync. The relationship you have with yourself.

Before I met my current boyfriend, I went on a male hiatus for about three years. Of course during that time, I bitched and complained to my girlfriends, and vice versa, about being single. I complained about the men that I had dated and the ones I wasn’t dating. I can remember going to places and doing things wishing that I had someone to share it with.

Looking back on those three years, I would not have changed a thing. Sure, while I was in it and experiencing it, I might have wanted change. Now that I can stand back and take it all in, my so called “single life,” made me the woman I am today. It made me strong and independent. It made me the person my current boyfriend fell in love with and respected.

To make it in a relationship you have to love yourself. It is amazing what confidence looks like on the outside. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who has yet to find themselves. Often enough, the reason why some relationships falter is because one or both parties involved have yet to evolve into the people they are meant to be.

My advice: In order to be in a loving relationship you must LOVE yourself. Who cares about what other people have to offer. You are the best you that you can be. When you respect yourself others will respect you. When you love yourself, someone will love you. If not… who is better than you? No one.

Baily Landon, a relationship writer from Associated Content Online writes, “When you feel you are ready for a relationship again, don’t go for someone who wants to change you. Don’t go for someone who makes you feel that you aren’t good enough as you are. Don’t get involved with a person that won’t allow you to be yourself. Don’t go for someone whose idea of love is for you to lose your identity in order to make them happy. Go for the person that accepts you for you, all of you, as you are. Go for the one that makes you feel like you can be yourself, that isn’t out to change you, that loves you exactly as you are, that listens to you, that understands you, that wants you for you, not some fantasy they want to fulfill. “

Could not have said it better.

Say Anything

Good Will Hunting

Friends

American Psycho

Greys Anatomy

The Notebook

The Way We Were

See your not alone. Seek comfort in these famous break-up scenes!