Well they didn’t do anything to me so why should I be mad at them? February 25, 2009

There is nothing that bothers me more in life then having a conflict with someone ( I’m talking a MAJOR problem. A problem that hurt. Might have even made you cry.) and having someone who is extremely close to you say, ” Well they didn’t do anything to me, so I can’t really be mad at them.”______________!!!( Insert explicit language here.)

Maybe it’s me. Perhaps I expect too much out of people. But is expecting to be treated how you treat others ever too much to ask for?

Case in point: A ‘friend of mine” recently found out someone in our immediate circle of close girlfriends was hanging out with her ex. Her excuse- “It was so long ago and he never hurt me, so why is it a big deal?”

WHY? It just is. It’s a big deal, and for those that don’t believe it’s a big deal…well…I seriously question you as a human.

Coming from a person who hates all forms of confrontation, when it comes to standing up for a friend and being an all around loyal person, sometimes awkward confrontations are just worth it.

Whether it be standing up for a close friend when someone does him/her wrong, not talking to a certain person for hurting your Mom, or ignoring that guy in the drugstore, the one who cheated on your friend, no matter how much fun you all had together. Loyalty.. it’s all about loyalty.

I never understood why a person would want to continue being friends with another person, fully knowing the hurt and pain they caused someone they care about. I am actually starting to think it might be a good thing that I can not, no matter how I try to understand, fathom the thought of befriending or continuing a relationship with someone who hurt someone I love.

I know everyone is different. Of course, there are exceptions to the rules. I just wish that at this time in our country, when everyone has much bigger fish to fry, that we as human beings could jump back to the basics of humanity. Being loyal, doing unto others as you would have done to you, and standing up for what is right. Perhaps when we break it down and get back on track, everything else will follow.

Just a little something that’s been on my mind…

To my Sara…RIP November 7, 2008

 For the last 3 years of college I have lived with my roommates Eleonay, Nichole and Sara. We formed a sort of family living on our own. Knew things about each other that we probably did not want to know, but no matter what it came down to, we knew, our friendships, were for life.

On October 9, 2008 (my birthday of course) I was woken up by a text message that confirmed my worst nightmare. A message that I had to read 5 times to understand. A message that has changed my life as I had known it.

One of my best friends, and roommate of 3 years, Sara Weakly, was killed in a car accident. What? This isn’t happening. Not to me, not to us, couldn’t be real. But it was, it was painfully real. I was told ( I don’t remember that morning at all) that I just sat there and screamed that I had to bring her back. She wasn’t coming back, and my world was never going to be the same.

I want the world to know who she was. I want the world to know one of the best people who I have ever met. I have never in my life felt this feeling, this empty, this numb. However in the midst of trying to figure out the whys and the hows of this unbearable situation, I am more determined than ever to have her memory live on.

Sara was a life force. She radiated beauty and confidence. She has inspired me in the wake of her death to live my life the way she lived hers. See, Sara just lived. It is as simple as that. She walked around in life like she was walking on air.

I can remember meeting her for the first time. We were both high school Seniors visiting our college for a program we had joined. It was like I was drawn to her presence. She pulled you in, and it was in an instant that you were her friend. At least it was for me. Being her friend, was the greatest gift I have ever been given. She chose me. How lucky am I?

Sara had this I’m-going-to-do-what-I want-when-I-want attitude, and that she did. She didn’t care about petty bullshit or what people thought of her.

All my life I have hated confrontation, hated telling people what I think, or what I would prefer, not anymore. I’m done letting the world walk over me, and it is because of Sara. I am going to let her memory live on in me and I hope that whoever reads this, if anyone reads this, that you too, will live like you have nothing to lose. And as cliche as it might sound, live everyday like it is your last. Sara had no clue that night she got into her car, that it would be her last.

On October 9, 2008 the world lost someone so special,so rare,someone I am forever better for. Here’s to you Sara, thanks for choosing me to love you. I will do it forever.

Oh I am back October 31, 2008

After a couple months and a hectic schedule… I am back. I had been contemplating whether or not I would continue this blog after I was done with the assignment, which for those that do not know, I had to write this blog for a class. I actually missed it and had people emailing me about writing some more. So why not, I love it. I think instead of writing about just relationships though, I will switch it up, and write about whatever is striking my imagination at the moment, so beware, my mind can wander into odd places:)

To A Lovely Blind Date: October 1,1945 May 3, 2008

Throughout my writing process for this blog I have talked to a plethora of people. Those in relationships, those not. Those looking for love, those not. Those wondering how they can better themselves, and those that are just sitting back on this ride we call life, waiting to see what happens. While on this never ending journey I found myself relating back to one common thread.

The leap of faith.

Last Feature: Stay Tuned! May 2, 2008

Hey everyone,

The semester, as all college kids are aware, is coming to a close. For me, and this blog of mine, I am not quite sure what it means. One thing that is for certain, is that I have started the process of writing my last feature. It is one that I hold very close to my heart, because it is based on a relationship that, in many ways, I have tried to copy. My grandparents. Stay tuned. I hope you will read and enjoy it as much as I have loved researching and discovering for it.

-Jess

Long Distance: Only The Strong Survive. April 29, 2008

I was watching, “True Life: I’m in A Long Distance Relationship,” on MTV yesterday, and it got me thinking. At what point does distance stop making the heart grow fonder? When does being apart start to take a toll on two people?

It is 2008. We are all so independent. We work, we go to school, we have to socialize to define ourselves, and often it takes away from the one thing we really need at the end of the day. Our relationships.

Can long distance relationships work? I don’t have the answer to that. The longest I go without seeing my other half is Mon-Wed, and let me tell you, it’s horrible. How do people who live months without seeing each other make it work?

I am a college student, like so many of us out there. It has been the best and the hardest time of my life. When I was single, I did what I wanted when I wanted. Now, I still do what I want, but there is always someone else in my head. His feelings and how he would like to be treated. So many of us are away from our relationship while at school. Some much worse than I, and I feel silly complaining about 3 days. However if I feel the separation, how are those who separate for weeks or months dealing with the strain?

According to Simona Kogan, who is the Features Editor for The Daily Targum, which serves the Rutgers community, “Author Thomas Haynes Bayley once said, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Did Bayley know what it meant to be in a long-distance relationship during college? Probably not. However, even if he had, the trials and tribulations of having a relationship when you are not located near the one you love never gets easier. Whether or not absence makes the heart grow fonder, many university students are dealing with the issue. According to The Journal of College Student Development, more than one-in-four of the 9 million college students in the United States are in long-distance relationships during their four years of college – that is, one partner does not go to the same college or live in the same town as their significant other.”

More than one-in-four! It makes me wonder. How many students let their grades suffer, or lose sleep while their paying their way through school, because they are apart from their loved one? How many relationships survive college? How can a relationship last when two people can not see each other?

“Distance can make the heart grow fonder”, but maybe, for those of you out there dealing with extreme distance, “Too much distance can make the heart…wander.” Sorry for the cliche, but is it true?

I hope that those out there in a long distance relationship do what they feel is right for them. Love is a great and powerful thing. If you find it, try your hardest to make it work, because there are some that are never lucky enough to stumble across the real thing.

I believe, even though I have only experienced a tiny degree of separation, that perhaps, it is worth it.  Maybe being with someone is the one thing we all hold on to that keeps us going. Long distance relationships, they’re not for the weak. Only the strong survive.
Good Luck!

 

Love Yourself

Being in a relationship with someone else can be great. Relationships, like the ones I have blogged about, can be filled with roller coasters of emotions, ups, downs and adventures. Relationships. The ones that survive have to contain two people who know themselves and know what they want out of life. What am I getting at? I believe that in order to make your relationship work with that certain someone, that there is one other relationship that has to be in sync. The relationship you have with yourself.

Before I met my current boyfriend, I went on a male hiatus for about three years. Of course during that time, I bitched and complained to my girlfriends, and vice versa, about being single. I complained about the men that I had dated and the ones I wasn’t dating. I can remember going to places and doing things wishing that I had someone to share it with.

Looking back on those three years, I would not have changed a thing. Sure, while I was in it and experiencing it, I might have wanted change. Now that I can stand back and take it all in, my so called “single life,” made me the woman I am today. It made me strong and independent. It made me the person my current boyfriend fell in love with and respected.

To make it in a relationship you have to love yourself. It is amazing what confidence looks like on the outside. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who has yet to find themselves. Often enough, the reason why some relationships falter is because one or both parties involved have yet to evolve into the people they are meant to be.

My advice: In order to be in a loving relationship you must LOVE yourself. Who cares about what other people have to offer. You are the best you that you can be. When you respect yourself others will respect you. When you love yourself, someone will love you. If not… who is better than you? No one.

Baily Landon, a relationship writer from Associated Content Online writes, “When you feel you are ready for a relationship again, don’t go for someone who wants to change you. Don’t go for someone who makes you feel that you aren’t good enough as you are. Don’t get involved with a person that won’t allow you to be yourself. Don’t go for someone whose idea of love is for you to lose your identity in order to make them happy. Go for the person that accepts you for you, all of you, as you are. Go for the one that makes you feel like you can be yourself, that isn’t out to change you, that loves you exactly as you are, that listens to you, that understands you, that wants you for you, not some fantasy they want to fulfill. “

Could not have said it better.

Classic Break- Up Scenes April 25, 2008

I’m a creepy neighbor… Call me Gladys Kravitz

Just like the fictional character, Gladys Kravitz, that was portrayed in the comedy, “Bewitched,” I have been a creepy neighbor. Of course I was willing to sacrifice for the better reading pleasure of my dedicated readers. However this entry has a sad undertone to it. I know I blog about relationships, trying to help those in them figure out what the heck their doing, in turn, honestly, helping me figure out my own story. But what about those people who are just coming out of a relationship?

About a year ago I watched this couple, move into the house across the street from me. For a year I watched as they painted, hung laundry, cleaned and got settled in. About a month ago when the weather started getting nice and windows started to open, the fighting that was heard from inside of their lives was heart wrenching. Yesterday a moving truck came and I pretended to get the mail and watched as the husband packed up all of his belongings and drove away.

Now her car is there alone while their laundry still hangs on the line. I can’t help but want to walk over and talk to her. We have all been there before. Whether it be divorce or heartache. It never gets easier. As I look at her windows still open, and her dog in the backyard, it doesn’t seem fair (for her) that life is going on around her, while her world is probably falling apart. For anyone who has been through it, even for those who haven’t yet, ending a relationship is like a death.

So even though some of us might be in relationships, to those who are ending them, it sucks. Sometimes it seems like when we find happiness in someone, we forget about those who are dealing with the death of their relationship, or even what it felt like to go through it ourselves. Seeing my neighbor move out yesterday really brought that home to me.

I found some sites and information that I hope can help. To those of you dealing with the pain of a break-up, it hurts like hell now, and even though you probably can’t imagine feeling worse, and won’t believe me if I say it, but it gets easier.

7 Tips on getting over a breakup– “You need to know that you are far bigger than your biggest feeling and keep in mind that even your darkest hour is only going to be 60 minutes in length.” This site offers great advice that hits home and won’t make you feel alone.

Surviving A Break-UpThis site will take you on the roller-coaster of emotions that ending a relationship can take you on.

Getting Over It-This site from Ivillage will take you to a plethora of other advice articles about getting over a relationship.

Till my next post…

NOTE: The story in which I tell stems from my own opinion of how this women is dealing with her situation. Sorry I have a heart and care, but I have been getting these horrible comments from people who really love my page ( sarcastic tone intended). If you have read my page, you know where I come from. Break-ups can be horrible, but they can also be a great thing that can lead to new life ya never knew you were possible of living. Don’t get me twisted. Jeeezzz.

Pick up Lines.. April 18, 2008

I work in a bar/sushi/steak house. Bottom Line…I get hit on. Usually by drunk old men or by guys that wear too much hair product. The common thread: the pick-up line. I have to give some of these guys credit. Where do they get the “you-know-whats” to say these things out loud? I mean think them in your head, but never say them…EVER. I have heard them all. Take a look, have a laugh, and whatever you do boys, don’t use them.

*Hey, when do you want to go back to my place?
*Do you mind if I stare at you up close, instead of from across the room?
*Help the homeless..take me home with you.
*Hi. My name is Milk, and I will do your body good. (bahhhhh)
*I’d look good on you.
*So…what do you like for breakfast?
*Are you lost? Because heaven is a long way from here.
*It must have hurt when you fell from heaven.
*Do you have a map, because I’m lost in your eyes.
*Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!
*I didn’t know that angels could fly so low!
*I’m new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
*Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
*Wouldn’t we look cute on a wedding cake together?
*If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
*If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

These are just a few of the lines that can make any girls skin crawl. I hope I made you laugh a little:)